Back in an anthropology class I took in high school, I learned about different cultures and marriage traditions from around the world. Thursday's class reminded me of what I learned about arranged marriages. As Matt said, "93% of marriages in India are still arranged," followed by gasps of surprise from some classmates.
Parents choosing their child's date can be one thing, but choosing someone for their child to marry is another.
My initial high school student thoughts: How terrible! Why won't parents let their children choose who they want to spend the rest of their lives with!? What child would willingly go along with this arrangement??
I began to rethink how different our two cultures are. In America, we choose who we want to date and marry. Sometimes parents approve, other times we don't want to hear what our parents think.
We mostly marry because of strong attachments and feelings for each other, and it's no surprise they don't often last. Marriage is associated with a romantic proposal, a dream wedding party and a happily ever after. Few people realize that the purpose of marriage was an eternal union, for better or for worse- romance or not.
In India, parents just want what's best for their children. They pick suitable partners based on who could support their son or daughter. The best way I understood it was searching for a suitable business partner. The decision is made without attraction or infatuation in mind. Marriage is not a next step in a series of "falling in love," but a decision made for a better quality of life. Yes, they are marrying for money, but this isn't considered a shallow trait. Couples should be able to take care of each other and the family. The arranged children grow to care for each other, and should they feel attraction for each other, all the better. But a marriage often won't end just because feelings of lust have past.
Of course, in India, no one has to marry their parent's choice- if you strongly oppose the relationship, most parents will honor their child's wishes. Children do have say, but parents choose who they feel would be the best fit. And yes, I am aware of the medieval practices of dowry and other stipulations, but I just wanted to share with you all why arranged marriages are still very popular, and if you think about it really isn't a crazy idea...
What do you think? Would you marry someone you didn't know? Someone you didn't love? Are you still shocked at the idea of an arranged marriage? Should more Americans arrange their children's marriage?
As my teacher put it, "Marriage should not be base on something as unstable and unpredictable as feelings of love."
Just a small note: you don't seem to distinguish very clearly between feelings of lust and feelings of love. Do you think there is a difference? That, I think, would probably have an effect on your basic point here.
ReplyDeleteThanks Avery. I guess my teacher was a bit cynical about love and it may have left an impression on me. He seemed to think love and lust are the same, and should be avoided all together when making important life changing decisions.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree. Making decisions with a clear head gives better results.
I think most people in our culture rush into marriage too quickly. They mistake their feelings of lust or infatuation for the deeper connection. Though to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what the "deeper connection" exactly is. To make a guess, I would say it should be something that is sacred, and respected, and is made with committment and intent to last a lifetime.